Posted in Journal

God’s favorite

God’s heart is so big and so full of love for each one of us that only I can fulfill the desire of His heart in the place He has prepared for me and only you can fulfill the desire of His heart in yours. I am His favorite…but you are too.
Posted in Journal

Inappropriate fascination with and despising of our bodies

3 John 1: 2 “2Beloved, I pray that in all respects you may prosper and be in good health, just as your soul prospers.”

I feel like God has been saying to me…Inappropriate fascination and/or despising of our bodies is sin before God and is opening doors to the devil. We are allowing satan in and we aren’t even aware that we have. We have hated parts of ourselves or our make up. We have despised something God created. We must repent and speak well of our bodies and who He has created us to be since He is the one that formed each of us fearfully and wonderfully in our mother’s womb. He paid a high price. Satan hates our bodies because they are the temple of the living God so he brings affliction, torment, disease and we play right into his hand. Break ranks with the evil one and come into agreement with God’s view of your body and by the power of the blood of Jesus…you will be cleansed, delivered, freed, healed, transformed. Jesus, He loves to heal. Break ranks with the evil one. Change your private discourse with the reflection in the mirror. Stop hating self. Fill yourself with gratitude and praise for God’s creation. You are the one He formed. He loves your body, not just your soul. Don’t look at the scale and hate yourselves. Is five pounds worth demonic oppression and/or affliction in your body? Break ranks with the evil one over this issue. You wonder why you see so little power, so little healing. As is written in 3 John 1: 2, He wants to prosper your bodies just as your souls prosper. “2Beloved, I pray that in all respects you may prosper and be in good health, just as your soul prospers.”

He wants to touch this issue and then release healing. Would someone come forth and lift holy hands and pray like they believe in healing? Like they believe in the power of God? He IS going to heal as a testimony to His Word. He is going to rescue. He is going to deliver. Five or even twenty lbs is not worth affliction and oppression and if you continue to bond with him the devil is going to do everything to keep that twenty pounds on you… so you stay forever hating and forever oppressed. Satan hates you and your body.

This same hatred of self is rooted in a need to feel acceptance and love. Striving for these from sources others than God Himself has led you to a life of self hatred and it has shown itself in many ways in God’s children-eating disorders, depression, panic attacks, cutting, suicide attempts, smoking, alcohol use, drug use, pornography, abortion, adultery, divorce and the seduction of the evil one through media. Repent of these things and be forgiven. Be healed, be restored…by your own restoration allow restoration for your children. Repent and be healed but don’t strive for healing. Jesus loves to heal. Accept it. Be whole. Jesus loves to heal.

Posted in Journal

random thoughts re: Tongues and where I am in my walk today

When I think about praying in the Spirit I picture it as entering into the Holy of Holies of the Old Testament. I am the temple of the Holy Spirit and it makes sense to me that God would provide this place of refuge. A place where evil can’t abide. A place where evil can’t even comprehend from the vantage point of the outside. Because of the blood of Jesus and the new covenant I am allowed to go there every single moment of every single day if I so desire. It is a great and magnificent gift and it is given to all who ask.

Why do I pray in the spirit? I pray in the Spirit when I am hungry and I am fed on the Word that is in my heart. I pray in the Spirit when I am in bondage and I am set free. I pray in the Spirit when I am tired and I am revived. I pray in the Spirit when I can’t focus and I am given direction. I pray in the Spirit when I am sick and I am healed. I pray in the Spirit when I am confused and I am taught. I pray in the Spirit when I am lonely and I am given company. I pray in the Spirit when my sin has exposed me and I am given new clothing. I pray in the Spirit when I don’t know how to pray or who to pray for and the intercessions of Jesus are revealed. I pray in the Spirit when I feel I don’t have enough faith for what I ask and I am given a measure of His faith. I pray in the Spirit when I can’t feel and I am given burdens. I pray in the Spirit when I just don’t care and I am given travail. I pray in the Spirit when I don’t know what else to do and I am given a call and sent forth. That is some of why I pray in the Spirit. For all who would question this beautiful form of intimacy I would be interested to know if they question as someone who has not experienced it and therefore doesn’t believe or someone that has experienced it and changed their mind. I can’t imagine getting through my everyday life without this form of prayer.

I came upon this gift as someone that had no understanding of it for today. When I first spoke in tongues I was in my dining room and afterward asked God that if my speaking in tongues was demonic or even wrong as I had been taught throughout my life, that He just take me home. I wanted to die rather than do anything else against His will. I called the person whose sermon I was listening to when I was Baptized and given the gift of tongues. God is good and He knows exactly what we need….Little did I know that the very person that led me into the Baptism was a former Baptist preacher – now an AG pastor http://www.raleighfirst.org – that experienced the Baptism of the Holy Spirit and subsequently had to give up much that he had known (including his church) because of what God did in his life that day.

So as not to sound too contradictory, how could I receive such a gift when I had not asked for it specifically. Here is what I believe-I asked for more of God. Period. As much as He wanted to give to me without setting any of my own conditions one of which was to consider the limitations of my own understanding. Often when I find myself in situations that are foreign to me or uncomfortable I have to remind myself that I asked and He gave. Isn’t it amazing that many times as I ask without conditions and He gives without limitations. awesome!

I think that people prayed in tongues ALOT in the early church. It wasn’t few and far between otherwise why would they need to be instructed in how to have order during corporate services.

I wonder sometimes, could the experience of Acts where they all heard their own language have been a gift of speaking but also a gift of hearing? I believe that they all did speak in the tongue that the Holy Spirit gave them…gift of speaking. It was a language that was and is between the speaker and the Holy Spirit but I believe that each person in attendance because the Holy Spirit so desired was given the ability to hear those same words of the Holy Spirit with their own ears…just as we can hear sometimes what He is saying through someone if the Spirit desires (maybe like a corporate gift of interpretation)…gift of hearing. Just my thoughts and kind of how I envision it. I mean I don’t see them all speaking different languages at the same time but if they all spoke one language (of the Spirit) and each person heard.

Also speaking in tongues and praying in tongues are they basically the same thing but used for two different purposes and yet the same purpose? To edify oneself is not a bad thing and is needed. If everyone built themselves up then corporate edification would not be such a struggle. I believe it is our responsibility to edify ourselves so that when we come together corporately we are flowing in unity with the Body. I understand this struggle and I believe that is where so many get into a bind because they expect to get their personal edification during corporate times of worship and therefore we never get to worship in that totally unified way. I believe that people began distinguishing tongues as a “prayer language” to make it sound a little more acceptable to non pentecostals. The language of the Holy Spirit is His language regardless of where spoken. It sounds different to each of us if we are listening because we aren’t in that secret place. In that place when others are speaking to their father through the Spirit it is not something you even question.

Posted in Journal

Contemplating what draws me

Contemplating how to answer the following two questions: What draws me closer to God? What draws me away from Him? My answers so far…going to have to think on this a bit.

1) What draws me closer to God?
-The Bible but most specifically Isaiah 58
-silence
-periods of set aside time for prayer/study of the Word
-well performed worship music (all types)
-early mornings
-eagles
-walking alone, especially on Hatteras Island in the Fall
-family reunions
-memories of my grandfather
-uncommitted hours with nothing to do
2) What draws me away from God?
-television
-noise (background noise) like to work in silence
-too much internet
-overeating
-busyness (will have to expand on that)
-too many plans
-shopping
-ruminations
Will update some later.

Posted in Journal

Distractions

Pastor Sammy’s sermon today reminded me of the following. I have this written in my Bible (don’t remember where I heard so I can’t document author/speaker):

“One of the hardest tests that we must pass if we are going to fulfill our ultimate calling is to not get distracted by all the other things that God is doing. God is doing many wonderful things today, but it is not possible for us to be involved in all of them. It is often difficult to resist joining another successful move of God, especially when well-meaning people often make others think that they are missing God if they do not join that movement. We must learn to give ourselves only to what God has called us to do.”

I am blessed to have women in my life that value accountability. Very, very often they remind me to avoid distractions, which come in many forms. To keep my eyes on the vision He gave me…not to look to either side, but just straight ahead.