What a great day at the Food Pantry. Such a great day so why do I feel so totally …almost lost or sick or something.
Someone testified that they have a job interview and asked for prayer for that but then mostly wanted to pray for me. Someone that came in two weeks ago in the depths of depression came back today with the joy of the Lord and the peace of God radiating from her. Answered prayer. Someone that needed food only had a prayer request for saved souls. That really touched my heart. Someone that had preached the Gospel and pastored all her life came there for food-now blind, close to her own death and yet she took the time to pray for blessings for me. The food had to be multiplied today. We served so many and we started with so little. It had to be. God is so very good and there was even leftovers.
It was a great day and yet I left and came home only wanting to cry. What is wrong with me? I feel almost desperate. Like I have caught a virus and there is no cure. I can’t explain the depths of my love for people that I barely know and that I once would have stepped over and ignored on my way to almost anywhere. I am so truly thankful that God changed that and gave me this new heart. Now, I can’t explain how much I want each of them to experience breakthrough and victory. I can’t explain what it does to me when someone says they do not want prayer and walks away and I can see the bondage. I know it is their choice but still I can’t explain my anger at the enemy for his lies and his schemes to keep people in chains. But I also can’t explain what it does to my heart to recognize that some of them are so courageous. Living in faith- moment to moment. Some living with incredible physical pain because they can’t afford medications or doctors or just are so new at this they don’t now how to navigate this thing called poverty. What kind of love is this that I feel? What kind of compassion feels so much anger? What kind of joy allows this many tears?
Yeah,it is like a virus and there is no immunization to protect my heart from what it is feels when I look into their eyes. I am so blessed and honored to hear each story. I did nothing to deserve what has been given me and in truth I need their hugs and their love so much more than they probably need mine.
You’d think I’d be used to all of this by now.