Paying the Price

I find myself in an interesting place. God asked me to do something. I wasn’t His first choice. I know that and others know that. His first choice said “NO!” for very good reasons they answered that way. I know I was second maybe third choice here. I may have originally been no choice at all. Originally I was perhaps just someone that wanted to participate in a ministry. Only God knows that but no matter what and even still, He asked me. I know His voice. So I said “yes!” One of my friends told me up front to stay out of it because they also sensed God’s first choice. Doublebind for a moment but if you have a choice between God’s voice and a friend’s opinion, even though they are wise counsel…what are you supposed to do? How can you say “no” to God?

I have lost friends over this. Since the day I said yes to God and I am baffled. Should I be? Is this normal I wonder. Why does anyone really care what I am doing for God? When I clean toilets they could care less. Is it their own conviction? Maybe so, maybe they were actually second choice….hmmmm. If a job needs to be done and you know someone else is called does that mean you let it go undone? I don’t think so. God uses the willing. He calls us all. Many don’t answer but the work remains the same. I don’t know. Maybe I am speaking from hurt. But I lost a friend and with her I have obviously lost a couple of others that were connected through her. They don’t even have to tell me…I can see and feel what has happened. It is a loss to me and I find myself in grief. But if someone chooses to distance themselves from you and suddenly seems to want little to do with you when they were such a close part of your life, what can you do? My circle gets smaller and smaller.

I get what some of the mothers of our faith have told me about paying the price just a little bit better now.