Category: Journal

He shall choose our inheritance for us, the excellency of Jacob whom He loved. Selah.” ~ Psalm 47:4

The Lord has been so gracious to allow me to be in His presence in places where He has chosen to show up through His signs, wonders and miracles. I know I am blessed and that He has used these times and situations to increase my faith. I have seen miracles of healing, miracles of food multiplied. I have experienced and seen deliverance from depression and anxiety and addiction. I long for the day that those that are God’s own children will not be as those from Jesus’ hometown, expecting so little and so receiving and seeing little of God’s power in their lives and communities.

After a wonderful Sunday where God moved through our church so mightily, I have been pondering His call on my life and how to apply His Word. I know now in part what God can do through prayer and I am confident in the Word and that He can do infinitely more….but there are times when I wonder how it will all come to pass in my own life since the roadblocks and closed doors and the “waiting” seems endless. Will I go to my grave reminding myself of what I have seen but wondering if I ever will again…and if not, why? Will these roadblocks turn out to actually be the steps to what has been prepared? Though I am a person that is pretty focused most days and committed still I wonder a lot.

I was thinking along these lines Monday morning and I felt my Father pose a question to me. He told me upfront that it was hypothetical but to take it seriously nonetheless. The question was this…Excluding praise and worship, reading my Bible and prayer and excluding all other human opinion, if I could do only ONE ministry for Him all the days of my earthly life, what would I do and why?

It was early so I had the time at 4:30am to ponder, but it wasn’t necessary. I immediately knew my answer. If I could only do one thing of service — I would feed the hungry. I know you may think I am talking feeding the hungry spiritually and that is there but I am actually mostly talking in the physical. I would feed the hungry real solid food and pray that God, in His mercy, would give me also opportunity and ways to feed them spiritually as He saw their need, and mine.

Why?

Because long before He told me to preach or pray, He told me “you give them something to eat” from Matthew 14:16, Mark 6:19, and Luke 9:13. When God spoke this to me, it was one of the first times I ever heard God speak directly to me through His written Word. It stuck with me. On looking over those years, I have found that from my obedience to “you give them something to eat” has come most of the miracles, signs and wonders that I have been allowed to see and from obedience to that command, I have been given opportunity to share the Word and pray with people and I have been able to see people saved. Real true lasting fruit. From obedience to that command, I have met people that live in their cars and in the woods and I have met former CEOs driving BMWs but arriving as hungry as the poorest of the poor. I have also met hungry ministers. I have been allowed to minister to those that have given their lives for the Gospel but found themselves being fed through my hand but in that moment of divine appointment (and I believe that is what it was), I found them there feeding me in such beautiful ways. Truly I tell you, from obedience to that command “you give them something to eat” I, myself, was fed and sustained by God and felt the presence and LOVE of GOD HIMSELF through them toward me. It was never just me allowing the love of God through me. He gave me love through them. I thought it was something I would be allowed to do forever…but then the season changed.

I find myself now in a season where this kind of ministry seems to have almost dried up for me and while I try to press on and I preach here and there, pray and try to remain faithful in what I am given for the now- there are days I still grieve for that season that was. Not because I miss a ministry or a place that once was so much…but because I miss the people and what they brought into my life. I miss the faith that desperation brings into a people. I miss the mutual need. God transformed my heart of prejudice and gave me love and understanding. He took my lonely heart and He gave me compassion and ears to hear theirs. In return so many of the people also accepted me and loved me. Once a month, as they were allowed to come for food, I was friend or mama or prayer partner. They were daily in my prayers and that kind of prayer always creates bonds. I look for them even still when I drive the streets of Gastonia and I am so hopeful when I don’t see them out there on a cold day. I made it a point to know their names, their children’s names, and their situations. I made it a point to know their hearts. I miss their hearts. I miss their hugs. I miss their stories. I miss how they bonded to others and how they helped their neighbors. They were rich in ways I think few know. They taught me more about ministry than I ever knew they were.

A verse that struck me this morning in these early hours with the Lord is this: Psalm 47:4, “He shall choose our inheritance for us, the excellency of Jacob whom He loved. Selah.” I have always loved that promise. I have always asked the Lord for the nations but my inheritance is His choice. When someone leaves you an inheritance it is their choice as to what they leave each person. The poor and the poor in spirit are my inheritance…this I know.

I admit Monday morning I couldn’t grasp how God wants me to take care of this inheritance He has left me. But then….

Monday I had the opportunity to go to the food bank for Thanksgiving turkeys. Yesterday I had the opportunity to work in the food pantry straightening and stocking shelves. Today, Lord willing, I have the opportunity to help give Thanksgiving boxes to those that come to our pantry. Lord, send us the hungry, that we might be your hands and feet and give them something to eat.

Selah! [pause, and calmly think of that]

But He answered and said, “It is written, ‘Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that proceeds from the mouth of God.’” ~ Matthew 4:4

At times in our walk with God, there are certain words or phrases that become “proceeding words.” Basically, that means if we are to move forward there is a Word from the mouth of God that we need so we can proceed. It brings to mind a traffic light at a busy intersection. You cannot continue until the light turns green. Last year I found that I was led by several proceeding Words. A few of these were “be still,” “be quiet,” and “wait.”

It seems odd to call these three Words “proceeding” after all they seem to reflect something that would be more like a red light than a green. However, through obedience and to be honest some disobedience to these phrases, I discovered there is no end to what God can do when I follow His directions. As I would still and quiet myself and release my rights to speak on a subject or to move in any direction at all based on circumstances surrounding me, I would find myself being carried through that River of Life I wrote about yesterday. In the times of disobedience, I would feel more like I was stuck in the mud on the banks of a river than flowing in the River. Valuable lessons. Sometimes the only way to proceed is to actually stop proceeding (in the natural).

Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth. ~ Psalms 46:10

Psalm 46:10 is a familiar scripture and an obvious one on being still. But when I study all of Psalm 46 my heart stirs. It was written in the context of war – a song of victory with its emphasis on the Presence of the Lord with His people and the difference it makes when we trust Him completely during difficult times.

In times of crisis, some tend to pull away and some get busy. But He says, “Be still and know that I am God.” That is not talking about being passive. It takes work to be still in the middle of trying times. Even harder work to remain quiet. But hardest of all is probably to wait on the Lord. It is easier to get up and take action or to say something to try to change something of our circumstances.

I recently read a revealing story concerning this:

A company of American soldiers in Vietnam was pinned down and surrounded by the enemy. During this fierce battle, it appeared that the company commander was taking a nap! All ended well as help finally arrived, and the company was rescued from certain defeat and death. However, the commander was brought before his superiors to determine if he was guilty of neglect of duty and be court marshaled. The commander explained that he was not sleeping at all, but getting still and focusing on three questions: 

        – What is going on around us?

        – What is not going on around us?

        – What can we do about question 1 and question 2?

Instead of barking orders and reacting to what was going on around them, that commander got still so he could get the wisdom to keep his company alive until help arrived. Indeed, he was a very wise man and his ‘being still’ and ‘being quiet’ and ‘waiting’ saved the lives of his soldiers.

But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint. ~ Isaiah 40:31

In the last day, that great day of the feast, Jesus stood and cried, saying, “If any man thirst, let him come unto me, and drink. He that believeth on me, as the scripture hath said, out of his belly shall flow rivers of living water.”  ~ John 7:37-38

At the end of Sunday’s service one of our pastors started singing the song, “I’ve Got Peace Like a River,” and I have had it on my mind off and on since. It brings to mind “Rivers of Living Water.” It brings to mind also the power that a river has. It is a power that can carry you under or carry you through.

Many of us have been in such rivers this last year. In the river I was in, I felt I was being dragged under by some of the currents. In my natural mind, I wondered if I could make my way out alive…only to find out I couldn’t – but, I was carried out. I found that it was actually in that dragging under stage that my spiritual senses were awakened and developed. The Holy Ghost developed me to know God better there. I felt, saw, heard, smelled, and tasted more of things of the Spirit in those times this last year than all the previous years combined. It has been sometimes wonderful, sometimes heartbreaking, sometimes hard work, and sometimes a whole lot of fun. One thing was for sure though – I was awakened, and I know it.

But then recently I went through a few days where I seemed to feel asleep again rather than awake. Honestly, it was disturbing and no matter how much I told myself our Christian life it to be walked by faith, not by sight (2 Cor. 5:7) I could not help but feel disappointed in my heart. I wondered what was wrong with me.

Things started to turn back during my prayer time this afternoon when the words of that song started flowing again through my mind. So simple. “I’ve got peace like a river; I’ve got love like an ocean; I’ve got joy like a fountain”…and it became the prayer to my Father. As I prayed those words, I began to feel something big start to flow on the inside.

As believers, we have these “rivers of living water” flowing within us which means we are bigger and more powerful on the inside (in Christ) than on the outside (in the natural). In the natural, very little can stop the power of a river that is overflowing its banks. It can take out everything in its path. And that is the way the Kingdom of God is as well. Bigger on the inside than the outside. Overflowing. We must never lose the truth of this.

Sister Ruth Ward Heflin once said, “You don’t have to feel “full of glory” all the time. You can be an empty riverbed. Just let the river of God flow through you. The waters of God’s river are refreshing, cleansing and empowering. Just don’t stop with the refreshing stage, and don’t be satisfied with the cleansing stage. Move on into the empowerment of the river.”

In reading this statement, I am always stopped by one word. “LET!” The word “let” is a great word. It means – to allow or to permit; to grant occupancy or use of; to cause to; to make.

I think the Lord is saying it is time for us to LET HIM move us into the empowerment of His Divine River. In God’s River, nothing can hold you back. Nothing! There is POWER there! You think you are going under at times but I am so confident tonight that you will find, as I did, that you are being carried by our God and developed by the Holy Ghost to know Him even more than you do.

Thank you, Jesus!!!! “I’ve got peace, love, and joy like a River in my soul!”